First symptoms of fatigue and routine?

Hello guys :)

I haven't wrote a post this week, so I thought there is time for a little explanation.
As many of you know, within a big trip, you always have this point when you ask yourself "What the hell am I doing here?". I was already at this point.

Don't get me wrong, the last weeks were full of things and people I got to know which I will never forget, in a positive way. Japan showed me already what living a different life can be. I also thought that I am open-minded to everything, but I saw that there are things I'm not prepared for mentally. And by overcoming them, I can broaden my horizon and get more aware of all the beautiful and interesting things in this world. This journey already shapes me, so my life will go another way than without this.

But my biggest "mountain" is the language. After one month in Japan, I have to say that I learned many words and can understand everyone way better. But still it seems I cannot proper communicate in Japanese for a long time. And that frustates me.
Of course, I have to speak more to learn faster but as many know, this is f*****g hard. Not only for me, I also notice a little bit of frustation at other people. And this is the last thing I want to do. Or maybe I am imaging, who knows.

Right now, I don't really know if I can make it. Only because of my habit to never give up and walking straight forward in life, I am still here. But to give 100% and more, it feels like I am having not enough strength and motivation. Maybe the last thing let the first one occur.

So what to do? First, quit the whining and get up! Second, think about the reason why are you here. Hmmm ... good question. The real reason why am I here is still the same. Having a great time, life-changing experience and lots of fun. Nothing less and nothing more. But what does that mean?

I hadn't an answer until I watched my old videos from my time in AIESEC this evening. Some of you know, during my time in AIESEC I wasn't only the "Vice President of Communications", I was also in charge of making videos many times. For conferences, local interviews and reviews. Especially the video-review of my own time and another video from the time of my former Local Comittee President Josie reminded me what I experienced just because I tried and did many things, like leading a team or experimenting new ways to do marketing. And at this time, I had no plan, no experiences and no hint what I should do. And hell yeah, it was often frustrating because things didn't worked out! But did I quit or just leave things behind? NO!

So why did I do these things? Because I had fun with other people and I gave a damn about chances and fortunetelling. Life can be so simple :D
In which way does this helps me right now? The lessons is simple: You don't know what the future brings. How can I know if I will need an eternity to talk proper Japanese? Why shouldn't the time in Japan not be great, awesome and positive life-changing? How can I know?

So what will I change? Stop thinking about the negative results and just doing. If the journey will be a desaster, so be it. But I will go home with a smile, because I hadn't give up and this journey won't be a desaster. My goal to shape my mind in the right way by challenging myself doesn't depend on the result. It depends on my way! :)

Thank you for reading and I promise the next post won't be so dramatic :D
But wait ... How can I know what tomorrow will be? ;)